Hi Everyone, My name is Nicolete and some people call me “Nicco” for short. Currently I am 27 years old with no kids and reside in Texas. This blog is to introduce raw material regarding relationship abuse as I am a survivor as well as showcase lifestyle and fitness. This blog will also feature discussions on building an exit plan from your abuser, warning signs and the process of starting over after being set free.
Some of you ask why start an awareness blog?
A portion of the blog will be dedicated to awareness to help bring clarity to individuals that are within relationships and are being abused. It is best a person knows who they are dealing with right away. If you are beginning to date someone or have family and friends this blog will help you to identify the warning signs/ red flags, give information on how to handle the situation, and much more.
My personal journey is listed below if you are interested in reading my 4 1/2 year long battle.
Any form of abuse can be damaging and frighten the individual from wanting to leave. A little about my story; I dated a guy for 4 1/2 years when I was 21 and I thought he was the perfect one for me. In the beginning we got along so well and although he had his own personal issues I never fed into it until he began to vent to me. By doing this he made me feel compassion for him and I became devastated by the challenges he faced in his life. He was about to be homeless so I decided to move out on my own for the first time away from my family issues and he asked to move in to help with his struggles. During this period we have been dating for about a year and I began to notice that not only did he have 1 child but he had 2 in which he did not like to discuss because he felt the 2nd child was not his without a DNA test. This caused a rift between the children’s mother and my ex. Long story short I noticed that every time we would pick up his kids their mom would come out side to see the kids off and her fiancé at the time would ALWAYS stand behind her. If he was not there we were not allowed to take the children; this clearly became a issue for my ex.
My ex felt he should be able to see the kids whenever he pleases and this situation stirred more conflict as he also did not like to abide by any form of a rule. Another issue I eventually noticed is that he would entertain various females to get me riled up. I eventually started to discover that him and his mother were also on and off with their relationship and never knew why. With all these discoveries I began to notice he blamed everyone else for their actions but himself. I also started to notice that when he would walk through the front door of our home he would badger me about cleaning the dishes and loading them into the dishwasher the wrong way. He would even nag me about not washing the clothes on a certain day of the week and hanging the shirts up on full hangers verses the ones with the dips and complaining about not buying a specific brand of canned veggies from the store. I began to take a mental note. I decided it was time to have a conversation of how he expected ridiculous task out of me; especially from a person that was working full time and in school full time to get my bachelors degree. This was the turning point of the relationship.
The conversation led to a physical altercation while his children were in the other room. This was the first time he ever laid hands on me, gave me a mild concussion by slamming me to the ground and grabbing my head to hit it on the kitchen floor; he then apologized right after. The relationship would continue to get worse. I learned more about his past when he was first arrested for a traffic ticket violation. His mother finally expressed the reason as to why my ex and the mothers children were no longer together after dating for 9 years. She also opened up about her personal encounters with her own son and the reason why she or his dad refused to take him in and would allow him to become homeless. The information she gave was heart wrenching and at this point we were dating for 3 years; I was in TOO deep. By the 4 year mark of our relationship I had to find a way out. The relationship became overbearing, I felt smothered. His father was the lieutenant at the time in Oklahoma City. His rank allowed his son to use his name in situations so he would become free. It worked every time…
Over the course of our 4 year relationship the police were called well over 100x, there were 3 VPO orders placed, 2 of the VPO orders within Oklahoma City were dismissed, I had multiple bruising all over my body, and the situation became EVEN worse. It got to the point where I had to come up with an exit strategy. He would not leave my home and when he did he would kick the door in every time and break the VPO order. He still got off with law enforcement. It took time and I did not know how I was going to make it out alive however I knew I was never giving up. Dead or alive I told myself I would fight for better by coming up with a plan.
That plan was to move to Texas to get away from Oklahoma City jurisdiction where he would have no help with law enforcement. He also needed to start going to physical school in order to complete his 2 year accomplishments to become a radiologist. This was not too hard to convince him to make the move from Oklahoma especially since he always talked about it. I transferred my job down to Texas and we moved.
New State: The move to Texas
During this time the police was called over 40x and a final VPO order was put in place. Since the cuts and bruises were significant I was able to press charges and he was sentenced under the Texas county law of no tolerance for domestic abuse/family violence within the home. This act saved me. In the end I testified against my ex in June 2017 and he was sentenced to 7 years.
There are many parts of my story that I have left out due to it being really long and graphic. I will share more information along the journey! If you would like to know more details feel free to subscribe to my blog and follow my story. You can also shoot me an email or leave a comment if you have any questions. Hope to see you in the near future. Together we can stop ABUSE!
Thanx for reading my story!